Just a bunch of complaints, really

I’ve had a bit of a rough week.

There are times when living alone really gets to me.  The pressures of maintaining a house and a yard and fixing all of the things that go wrong….sometimes they overwhelm me.  It’s not necessarily the amount of work – it’s more that I don’t know how to do even half of it and the thought of figuring it all out and bumbling around overwhelms me.  I’m that girl who freaks out when she doesn’t know the protocol.  I’m that girl who is absolutely and insanely afraid of looking dumb.  Neither of those things makes it all that easy to figure out the essentials of maintaining a yard and/or house.  Sometimes, I just really want someone to take care of it for me.  Sometimes I NEED someone to just take care of something for me – it just doesn’t happen.

Let me back up to last Thursday when the small group of people at work who were  interested in getting a cohort together for a Master’s program found there weren’t enough people interested.  To make a long story short, it was going to occur in a neighboring town.  That town didn’t have enough people interested.  The real question was did the two towns combined have enough – a question the university didn’t seem interested in as they wanted to shuttle us off to another town (which doesn’t work for me).  So the group of coworkers and I are standing there with this reality and I have a meeting to get to so I ask if they’re interested in working to make it happen…. everyone said yes.  Then I ran off to my meeting.

What happened after that?  Nothing.  Did anyone make any phone calls?  Nope.  It’s been a recurring theme at work this year that, if I don’t do something, it simply doesn’t get done.  I would have needed  a lot of help and a lot of buy in to make the cohort happen.  No one else lifted a finger except to ask me if I’d made any progress.  I’d never offered to take it on, they just assumed.

Friday we had a teacher’s institute.  I’m sitting with my department and, true to form…. very few people in the audience are listening.  I believe in free education – which most institutes are.  This topic is of enough interest to my school board and administrators that they’ve sent me to numerous conferences and they’ve had a total of two full-day institutes on the subject.  I snapped at a couple of members of my department to not talk to me because I’m trying to pay attention – which didn’t really annoy anyone because they knew I was paying attention and at least one of us would know what needed to get done when they gave us time to work.  This is how it always is.  They sit there and chit chat and surf the web on their iPads because they’re not interested in the topic.  NEITHER AM I.  But I pay attention because I’m a freaking professional and I’m being paid to pay attention.

Toward the afternoon I snapped.  The instructions the speaker were giving were unclear and confusing, I had to tell my department TWICE to keep it down because I couldn’t hear and I didn’t know what we needed to do…. and they kept talking.

I switched tables.  I literally got up and walked to another table.  I left them there.  No one knew what they were doing and they didn’t have a clue how to help me so I would have done all of the work anyway.  So I went to another table, helped out that department and – when the speaker began calling on random tables to present their work….. THAT WAS THE ONLY TIME MY DEPARTMENT LOOKED TO SEE WHERE I WAS.  They didn’t care until I wasn’t there to save their asses.

Then the weekend hit and I had a bunch of yard work to do in order to get my lawn in order from the winter… AND I had a ton of housework to do because I was trying to deep clean for Mother’s Day when my family would come over for brunch.  I haven’t been cleaning properly because I’ve been a lazy, depressed hag for months and so this was a much needed cleaning but it took a lot of time and energy.

Monday my department is giving me the cold shoulder because they think I was a total bitch on Friday.  Fine by me.  I came home Monday night and continued to struggle with the lawn.  The sink my washing machine drains into clogged and backed up so I had a really fun and nasty mess there to figure out.  And then I sliced open my thumb doing something son inane and stupid I won’t even tell the story to very many people.  But my thumb was seriously slashed open.  As in, it put a halt to the rest of my plans for Monday.

Tuesday night I went to take a bath and the nob broke.  I took it apart and I definitely have to purchase a new one but that did me no good because I needed to shave my legs and my thumb can’t get wet.  Shaving the legs didn’t happen because I threw a hissy fit and refused to try to work the pliers to turn the metal rod with a gimpy thumb.

Blah blah blah.  So much complaining… but it just seemed like everything was going wrong this past week.  So tired of having to deal with everything myself… and everyone expecting me to take care of everything.  And yeah… none of it is super big… it’s just constant at home and I seem to have made the same bed at work somehow.

*Sigh*

For the record, I remembered my password on the first try.

You know that moment when you return to a website you haven’t visited in quite some time and it asks for your password and your palms get all sweaty because you KNOW you made this password different than your normal go-to group of passwords and you also KNOW you spelled a certain word all wonky in your password and you’re not quite sure how you spelled it and you also KNOW you created a separate email account for that website and you’re pretty sure it has the same password as that website so even if you were to try a password reset you wouldn’t be able to do one anyway because the email would go to an account you can’t access?

Well.

I just had that moment with this blog.

Needless to say, it’s been a while.

In all honesty, I haven’t been the best blogger here.  I’m not certain I even have any readers… which is ok because I’m pretty sure the kind of blog stuff I write about is more like a journal than a diary and I’m ok with that.

Whatever the case, I’d like for that whole… absent blogger thing to change.  You see, I’ve been in a downward spiral of sorts lately.  I’ve exercised so infrequently I’m back to being a whiner whenever I do attempt exercise.  I’ve let fear stand in the way of attempting to jog/run again – mainly due to that failed summer when I tried and tried but could never get it off the ground.  I’ve gained weight of epic proportions – probably due to reverting back to my favorite coping mechanism: food.  It could also have something to do with this serious sugar thing I’ve got going on where I think I’ve trained by brain to demand sugar immediately after eating.  “Oh, you’ve finished a big meal?  GIVE ME SUGAR, BITCH!”  That’s how it feels.  

So how does all of the above add up to me not being an absent blogger?  Well, I’ve decided to try my hand at getting back into the game.  I’m going to attempt to stop all the bad habits, get back into exercise, start eating properly again, track my calories, and do the blogging thing.  It was all a winning combination for me before, I’m hoping it will be again.

So here goes nothing, eh?  🙂