Most of the time I can convince myself that I’m self sufficient. And I am for the most part. I manage to do a lot of things on my own. I make a point of figuring things out and not stopping until I manage to get it done.
And then, occasionally, something crops up that I’m either unable to do or that is just so much work I find myself tearing up because I don’t have anyone to either take care of it for me or help me out with it.
Once I tear up, all the years of hurt come spilling forth and then I get angry with myself for needing someone.
For example: The other day one of the springs on my garage door broke. I couldn’t even lift the door to get my car out of the garage. In defeat, I called my ex and asked him to come over and help me lift the door. I cried the entire way to work. I hated that I needed to call him. I hated that I couldn’t do it on my own. I hated that it made it obvious I wasn’t as self sufficient as I would like to believe.
But are any of us ever totally self sufficient? And is it really so horrible to need help every once in a while? The logical part of my brain tells me we all need someone every once in a while and that needing something is a normal thing. The emotional side tells me that needing someone will just lead me to get hurt.
Sounds like a good therapy session is in order, eh?