Needing Somebody

Most of the time I can convince myself that I’m self sufficient.  And I am for the most part.  I manage to do a lot of things on my own.  I make a point of figuring things out and not stopping until I manage to get it done.

And then, occasionally, something crops up that I’m either unable to do or that is just so much work I find myself tearing up because I don’t have anyone to either take care of it for me or help me out with it.

Once I tear up, all the years of hurt come spilling forth and then I get angry with myself for needing someone.

For example:  The other day one of the springs on my garage door broke.  I couldn’t even lift the door to get my car out of the garage.  In defeat, I called my ex and asked him to come over and help me lift the door.  I cried the entire way to work.  I hated that I needed to call him.  I hated that I couldn’t do it on my own.  I hated that it made it obvious I wasn’t as self sufficient as I would like to believe.

But are any of us ever totally self sufficient?  And is it really so horrible to need help every once in a while?  The logical part of my brain tells me we all need someone every once in a while and that needing something is a normal thing.  The emotional side tells me that needing someone will just lead me to get hurt.

Sounds like a good therapy session is in order, eh?

I have blog issues

Seriously, everyone… I have blog issues.

I start a blog, go at it like crazy for a while and then when my interests change, I feel as though I have to change my blog.  So I make a new one.

Or, I spend the time I used to spend blogging feeling guilty about not blogging.  So I just don’t blog and nothing gets done.

The truth is…. This blog was supposed to be a fun project with a couple of friends and myself.  It was supposed to be about life in general.  And, when they weren’t as enthused as I was… well… I kept feeling as though I should start a different blog.  And then, when I became obsessed with cookie decorating… I felt as though my life didn’t fit this blog anymore.

How can a blog about my life in general not fit my latest obsession?

Seriously, y’all.  I have some blog issues.

So, starting today, with this post I am just going to start blogging here again.  I’m going to forget that Sarah and Beth are also supposed to be blogging here and I’m going to pretend maybe they DO also blog here. 

Aren’t you so lucky?

And, if you’d like to see my cookie obsession first-hand, please feel free to visit my flickr page: http://www.flickr.com/photos/microcosms/

Until tomorrow, my friends!