Spring Break! (at home, which isn’t as exciting)

The weather has been gorgeous around here.  The temperatures have most certainly been well above the norm for this time of year.  I’ve been trying to do my whole running thing after work in weather which is suddenly 80 degrees.  Sure, 80 is fine during the summer… but right now?  It’s a freaking humidity heat wave which makes me feel like a wet noodle and which turns my hair into the frizzy locks of medusa only my snakes don’t hiss.

Well, yeah, the weather has been gorgeous…right up until this week when I’m on spring break.  As I sit here right now my hands are freezing and the wind is blowing so strongly outside it keeps making my garage door make these horrifying noises where I’m nearly certain it’s going to buckle in the middle.  I’d open the garage door but then the horror which is the garage would likely wind up strewn about the neighborhood making me incredibly unpopular with the neighbors.  (I just turned up the heat as I cannot stand the 63 degree house anymore.  I’m so cold!)

So yeah, my life just got typical.  I’m not a big travel person.  Now, there are a variety of reasons for this but mostly I sort of glitch out over spending money on travel.  I grew up with little to no money and ever since I started working (in 8th grade) I’ve been a bit of a money hoarder.  I panic when my money reserves are touched.  So travel just isn’t something which is on my list of things I’m going to do without being coaxed.  So here I sit on spring break and that’s ok as I’ve the major task of applying to different schools.  You know, now that the actual application process is here, it’s incredibly frightening.  I just tried to file an online application which required so many nitpicky details about this, that and my grandmother’s molars that I literally cannot finish it until I send for a few things so I can reference them.  Really?  Do you really need to know these details?  I mean, is the only reason you’re not asking for the color of panties I’m wearing because it would be considered sexual harassment?

All I can say is:  Wow.

In other news, I’ve been doing really well on the exercise front.  I’ve taken up the mentality that I am starting new (which I basically am after over a year of failures, setbacks and disappointments after a car accident) and so I’m starting small and giving it my all.  I figure it’s better than starting big and finding a setback again, yes?  I’ve been logging my workouts on the MapMyRun app that a friend got me started on.  He currently is slacking off but it’s been very motivating for me to put my workouts up there for him to see and it’s given me a sense of accomplishment.   I’ve taken a screen shot of my last 8 workouts (no real detail there) for your viewing pleasure.  I had to eliminate my location from the entries.  I don’t want you people stalking me and stealing my shoes.  Anyway, I’ve been doing the C25K again on yet another phone app while also running this phone app and so most of those runs that you see actually involve a lot of walking and then some intervals…. so don’t wonder if I’m crawling on all fours and calling it running.  I am slow to begin with and when you throw walking in there… yeah, my times get really slow.

As you can see, I went for a 9.5 mile bike ride on Sunday.  My sister and I took it pretty easy as it was our first time out this year.  I had a great time, actually.  The day was beautiful and the weather was almost on the cool side.  I didn’t sweat much which is good as I held my phone in my bra.  (The last time I did that I did NOT have otterbox defender yet and I actually broke my phone by getting it all sweaty.  Try explaining THAT to Apple.  (Actually, I think they were confused as I did NOT explain it and I sent it in and they did not tell me it was water damage.  I’m thinking they were confused by the presence of salt seeing as there is a lack of ocean water in Illinois.)  After the ride, my sister and I went to one of my favorite breakfast places where I finally sampled the Red Velvet Pancakes.  I have acquired a bit of an obsession with red velvet and I really don’t know why.  I’ve begun craving it when, honestly, until about a year or so ago I didn’t even know it existed.  These pancakes?  They were so good.  I would have done the frosting differently, but the pancakes were divine.

And this brings me to my final topic.  As I was driving through town yesterday having just bought my resume paper for the random places which don’t take electronic submission (and really, do they HAVE to sell you 100 sheets of resume paper?  I mean, really?) and I spot something light in my hair as I’m glancing through the rear view mirror.  My first thought?  Why do I have such a blonde highlight already?  And I was about to brush it off at that when I realized it is only March and there is no WAY I have a blonde highlight.  So there I am at a stop light, scrutinizing my hair and trying to single out the ONE hair which had appeared blondish and I finally grab hold of it when the light turns green.  So I plucked it out and then gasped.  It.  Is.  Gray.

Now, I’m not really one to freak out about growing old.  It’s pretty much a non-issue with me the majority of the time…. but I have to tell you… seeing my first gray hair… really had an impact on me.  I was a bit speechless.  I had this sinking feeling in my chest like…. omgitsreallyhappening.  That feeling lasted all of 4 minutes and then I moved on with my day.  Even now looking at the photo, I just cannot get over how freaking gray that sucker is!  And you know, I’m left to wonder how many more there are.

To anyone else out there on spring break, I wish you safe travels and/or happy relaxation!

Apparently, I work with lazy bitches here.

You know, I started this blog with two friends.  The three of us got all sorts of excited and wrote bios and uploaded photos of ourselves and each wrote an initial post.

Then the other two abandoned me, apparently.

Girls, if this were the real world, I would have fired you by now.  Unfortunately, you’re both funnier than I am and I think this blog would benefit from you.  I also didn’t want to have to feel pressured to post.  Unfortunately, neither of you seems to feel pressured at all.

Whatever.  Until they speak up, the (currently two) readers will have to deal with me.  That’s ok though because I’m pretty sure they love me.

And why do they love me?  Um…. How about we just agree not to ask the hard questions.

(I will post something real in a few minutes.)

It isn’t so dark in here after all….

When I wrote my last post, I was feeling out of sorts.  Lots of changes going on, my friend, lots of changes… and from an individual whose main goal in life as a child/teen was “to be normal and stable” this is exactly the kind of thing which could send me into fits.

However, the opposite has happened.  I don’t want to go into too much detail as I’m perpetually worried about getting in trouble by writing about job-related things.  But… keeping that in mind, I’ve had a really good week.  I’ve had things occur which have made me feel wonderful about myself and my accomplishments within my profession.  People have come forward and said such wonderful things about me and I am forever in their debt.

Why?  Not only have they given me a personal pick-me-up when my personal morale had hit an all-time low… but they’ve made me look at my current situation in a whole new light.  I’m now seeing the positives of potentially leaving my current job for a new one.  I’m seeing the potential for really great things to happen.  I’m reminded by a post written by a blogging friend of mine.  She was running a race with her husband and she had started to slow down and he asked “Are you ok?”  She replied “Yes, but I’m going to run out of steam before the finish, I can’t keep this pace up.”  And he replied… “But what if you can?”

And she did.  She went on to finish having run the whole thing at a pace faster than she thought possible.

What if I really can have an improved work environment?  What if I really can get a number of things I have on my mental checklist of “I wish I could’s”?  What if leaving won’t find me miserable at a new job… but instead insanely happy?  What if, by leaving, I open myself up to the opportunities I didn’t realize I had?

So, to those people who have lifted me up and said such wonderful things… Again, thank you so much.  You’ve given me the boost I needed to change my emotional climate from fear to hope and excitement.  Thank you so much.


Right Now, Life is Strange

My life really is sort of strange right now.  I feel as though I’m at some sort of major crossroads.

Let me sum up:

I’m angry with work.  Normally, I love my job.  I love my students, I love what I do and I accept most of the headaches of my job no problem.  However, recent events coupled with similar events which occurred a couple of years ago… well, they’ve got me in an uproar.  I’m so tired of working with a department which doesn’t care, does the bare minimum, and avoids taking responsibility at every turn.  I’m tired of doing everything for them, not getting a thank you and certainly not getting any consideration from them either.  And that is why I’m currently updating my resume.  After 11 years, I’m thinking of leaving my beloved school.  I can’t see myself continuing to work with these people.  I’ll take my chances elsewhere, with a pay cut.  I’ll start over.  I’m tired of getting screwed over and just suffering in silence.  I’m not going to do it anymore.

A relationship I put my heart and soul into has recently come to an end.  I so badly wanted it to work out.  I’ve never had such a connection with anyone.  Naturally, I had all these plans in my head involving the two of us.  It’s all gone now and I’m just left feeling sort of bereft, abandoned, and maybe even a little bit betrayed…by myself.  I’m sad the relationship has ended and I’m suddenly left looking at the other bits of my life and wondering if it’s worth trying to string them all together and piece things into a whole world again or just cut ties and start fresh…. most likely it would be something between the two.  It’s a feeling of things having ended and on top of this feeling, the work thing just adds to it.

And this possibly isn’t related, but I’ve started running again and it’s different this time.  I feel like my old self again.  I feel as though my mindset is finally correct.  I feel as though I’m back in the mentality I’ve wanted to be in for so long now.  That mentality?  It’s the one where I feel in control… control of myself and control of my life.  It’s empowering.  It’s making me feel more prepared to cut ties with my place of employment, possibly the town I live in… and maybe even sneak a peek through my eyelids at the potential for a new relationship.

Life is strange right now.  I’m the girl with a plan.  I rarely ever take my eyes off the future, planning for the future is my coping mechanism.  Right now though?  Right now I don’t know what the future holds, I cannot plan for the future and… I actually feel ok about it.

Pneumonia? Really?

….and then I wound up with pneumonia.

I guess I could have written a post sooner.  I mean, I’ve spent basically this entire week feeling well enough that I’m working.. but last week?  Yeah, last week I had pneumonia.

I could feel it coming on during work on Monday.  I had all the tell tale signs that I was going to be sick… not just kinda sick, but really sick.  I had aches.  I had that feeling in my arms and thighs that I get right before a fever comes on, the kind of restless-I’ve-got-to-move-them-or-I’ll-scream sensation which drove me crazy all day.  I coughed.  It  felt like a thick slab of slime had taken up residence in my chest.

So, at the end of my work day, I drove myself to Walmart, stocked up on cold remedies, decongestant, mucus thinner, and cough suppressant and hoped my suspected sinus infection (when I get sick, that’s usually what it is) wouldn’t be so horrible that I would have to stay home from work.  I got home and I took a nap, I was exhausted from the sheer will it took to go to Walmart instead of straight home.  By morning, I was too sick to work.

I don’t mess around with sinus infections.  If I let them linger too long, I wind up sick for a month.  I have sinus issues and an infection just lingers with me.  So I called the doctor and made an appointment.  Because of the way I was aching all over, he made me take a flu test… which means they shoved a q-tip up both nostrils… not just a little ways either.  When your sinuses are already killing you, trust me, that’s the LAST thing you want.  It hurt.  I cried.  They gave me antibiotics and sent me home.

Wednesday night I would have driven myself to the hospital if I could have.  I was in misery.  My fever was killing me.  I couldn’t breathe.

Thursday I went to the doctor again.  They took chest x-rays and found pneumonia.  I came home with a different antibiotic and a promise that I’d be feeling better soon.

Friday I felt nearly human again.

Saturday I did some work around the house.

Sunday I felt like crap.

Monday I went to work and came home and slept.

And gradually this week, I’ve begun feeling more and more “normal.”  I still have an alarming amount of cough going on, but comparatively, I’m doing well.

Pneumonia.  I would never have guessed that would be something I’d wind up getting.

I’m left feeling like I lost a week of my life.  I came back to work and it was as if the previous week just didn’t happen (well except for the massive pile of papers to grade).  I keep thinking the date is 7 days earlier than it really is.  Spring break, the last week of March, is suddenly almost here and I’m left thinking “where the heck did March go?”

This is what it’s like to be me..

This is when it gets frustrating.  This is when I’d like to scream…. or cry.

I went to the chiropractor last night.  Now, don’t get me wrong, without my chiropractor I’d be unable to do half of the things I’m currently capable of doing.  I remember the days before I found chiropractic, the days when I was always hypersensitive to stimuli, when I could hardly stand to wear a winter coat for the weight it put on my neck/shoulders.  So please don’t get me wrong, I love my chiropractic care and, for that matter, my chiropractor.  So I went last night.

Now, everything should be peachy for at least a few days, right?


I woke up this morning with a migraine.  Migraines mean my neck is out.  It hadn’t yet been 12 hours since I’d left the chiropractor.  All I did was sleep. (This is where I want to scream and cry and insert a string of expletives into that sentence.)  All I did was sleep.

And, you know something?   Before I really started putting things together with my suspected collagen disorder (joint hypermobility, a type of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome), I would have blamed myself for this. I would have wondered if maybe I should be doing those neck exercises MORE, or maybe I haven’t been working out well enough or often enough (I never said I was rational all the time).  In fact, my own attorney made me wonder what was wrong with me once when he said my chiropractic care was “aggressive” when he found out I went once a week, every week.  All I could think was “Aggressive?  I couldn’t make it two weeks without going, I’d be in too much pain.”

But in reality.  My joints – and that includes my spine – aren’t actually capable of maintaining proper position because I lack a strong enough form of collagen.    I mean, I’m working on strengthening things but… it’s an uphill battle.

Today I’m not at work.  Today I am totally wallowing in self pity.

Today I totally got a free adjustment because my chiropractor loves me.

Today I’m feeling sorry for myself.

Tomorrow I’ll give everyone an anatomy lesson.