One thing I’m not so good at…

…is talking about craziness as it is happening.

There’s just so much going on in my life right now and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared of absolutely all of it, even the good stuff.  As usual, when I don’t have a firm handle on things (my idea of a handle, anyway) I tend to withdraw until I’ve figured it all out.

I’ve sat on my blog countless times trying to will myself to write a post.

You just can’t force it though, ya know?

This short post is a sign that I’m coming out the other side, that things are dying down, and that I’m returning to something close to normal – although I’ll tell ya, not much is going to feel normal in the next few months.

Things I need to update you on and will asap:

  1. The April exercise challenge.
  2. The job hunt.
  3. My mom.

I think that’s all that is insanely crazy at the moment, but trust me, it is enough.  Until next time (which I hope will be this weekend) please know I’m still here and I’m still going to write…. It’s just that I’m facing some serious hurricanes at the moment and I need all of my emotional energy to deal with it… not much left for anything else.  I’m sure you guys get it.

Reality sinks in

You know how you have those moments of confidence which are strong enough to send you surging forward, determined to tackle any obstacle which threatens to hold you back?

And you know how, once that confidence fades, you’re suddenly stricken with insecurities about the path you’ve just set yourself upon?

I’m feeling that right now.  I spent spring break realizing that a job change likely means me moving.  A job change means I have to interview.  A job change means I have to fill out this ridiculously long online application which requires me to do background research on myself because I cannot remember the answer to some of these incredibly probing questions. (Seriously, am I running for president here?)  Quite frankly, all of it has left me feeling horribly insecure.  Am I really ready to move on?  Am I really ready to start making these finite decisions?

The answer is obviously yes, else I wouldn’t have started down this path.  It’s just hard.  (Ok, scary.  I’m scared.)

On the exercise front… April marks the annual exercise challenge at my chiropractor’s office.  I’m going to be trying to put in as much time as possible while not totally overdoing it.

I’m still doing relatively well on the exercise front.  I did take two days off this week but they were mainly weather related.  Other than that, I’ve even gone out and put in my run time with a headache. I’m still painfully slow with running.  It’s a combination of what my back can handle and what my fitness level can handle.

My C25K app I downloaded ages ago has updated to include a slightly modified version of the program with week 1 having 30 second, 45 second, and 60 second intervals instead of all 60 seconds.  I’ve been pushing myself with those over the past week and boy does it kick my butt!

Prior to doing the intervals, I was running a very slow (4.2 mph) half mile, walking 1/4 mile, and then running a likely even slower half mile.  I wasn’t capable of running (jogging?) a full mile but I felt confident I could get there.

Well, today I got there.  I’m slow, but I’ve always been slow.  My average pace was 4.8 mph and I”m ok with that for right now.  I felt ok afterward.  My back wasn’t completely gone and I was definitely winded, but I wasn’t dying.

All in all, I feel good about it.

With the increase in physical activity coming up in April, I’m not sure what sort of improvement I can expect in the next month, but I’m hoping I’ll be able to at least run 2 miles at this pace by the end of April.  I’m not trying to work miracles here, I’m just trying to rebuild.  You know?

I plan to throw in some cycling, some Curves time, a lot of walking, and of course the running and jogging this next month.  I really want to be a serious contender for a top contestant.  I want to be the top in my team and I’m determined to do it!