Alone vs. Lonely

Holidays are often described as being bittersweet.  Mine are no different.  Like any other person, I will complain about my family, I will roll my eyes at their antics, and I will swear I’m thankful when they leave at the end of the day.

Except, I’m not actually sure I am.

I live alone and I enjoy living alone most of the time.  What’s not to like?  No one leaves crap laying around except for me.  No one annoys me when I want some down time.  No one but my cat lectures me about not being home enough.  I do what I want, when I want to do it and I enjoy the freedom… until my family comes over.

At the end of the day, when everyone leaves, I’m left feeling oddly empty.  My house, usually the pinnacle of silence (not even the tv makes noise in my house), goes back to its silent ways and suddenly it all seems LESS than it was before.

Nights like these I am left wanting a family of my own.  Nights like these I could curl up in bed and cry my eyes out if I let myself.  I go about my daily life happily enough, but when it comes down to it, there is a void there.

Thankfully, the feeling will be gone tomorrow.  I’ll wake in the morning, figure out what I’m going to do for a work out, and then go about my day according to my daily routine.  Life will be normal again and I won’t feel so lonely.  I’ll enjoy doing my own thing at my own pace again.

For tonight, though, I’m lonely.