Hormones

Hormones.

They have this absolutely horrible effect on my body.  For example, when I take birth control… I wind up seriously depressed, sobbing in my shower while singing Tori Amos songs and then going straight to bed.  Or… I wind up transitioning from screaming at someone for absolutely nothing to crying because a commercial just came on TV and that dad really loves his son.

Yes.  I am potentially insane when I take birth control pills.

However, I also get mildly depressed during my period.  It starts out with me being… clingy.  I need more reassurance than normal.  I fish for praise.  I fish for compliments.  I become convinced people hate me when I don’t get both of those things.  Sometimes I cry if I don’t get enough text messages from a certain someone.

But the period thing goes away and with it so do my blues.  Currently I carry a prescription of xanax I can take if things get to be a bit much for me during that time.

Why is any of this relevant to my current life?  Well.  I tried emergency contraception.  For a day or so after it I felt clingy.  No big deal.  And then… instead of ovulating… I had a period… which is a normal side effect.

What isn’t normal?  Oh… the fact that my eyes kept crying for a good 24 hours.  Literally constantly watering and never more than 2 seconds from an actual sob, I cried for about 24 hours straight.  I convinced myself that no one loves me.  No one really cares about me.  I stayed in bed for almost 48 hours.  And no… I did not shower or change clothes or even my panties.

Sexy, I know.

What is absolutely frightening to me, now that I’m nearly back to normal, is how I KNOW on some level that it is just the hormones messing with me…. and yet I absolutely cannot “snap out of it.”  It’s the absolute worst for the girl who logics away most of her negative emotions.  (Not that I don’t acknowledge them, I just prefer to realize that most of the people in my life do NOT set out to upset me and thus I shouldn’t feel personally slightest when they don’t do what I expected/wanted/needed.)

So, needless to say, I had a rough weekend.  It’s nice to be out of bed…. kinda.  I mean.. I have showered but I haven’t exactly put on a new outfit yet today.

Maybe I should go shower….

Lies my TV told me

Every time I look in the mirror right now I want to go back in time and remember what commercial it was where the attractive young girl said “Acne can last into your 20s” and I want to find those people and the product they make and I want to march into their offices, find the man in charge of creating that commercial, and shake him while saying something like “I’m 34, dammit, you people lied to me!  LIED!”

I have been blessed with great skin for most of my life.  Not that I haven’t had breakouts, because I have, just like everyone else.  There was also a brief period of time in 8th grade where my forehead looked like someone had pinned me down and shot tiny bullets at it for hours.

Anyway.  I’m sure I’m not unusual when I say I normally great a breakout around my period.  Totally normal.  Stupid hormones.

I had a strange period this last time though.  And then it was followed up by like a week and a half of extreme horniness.  Were I married or even in any sort of normal relationship, the man involved would be one happy camper right about now (or hiding from me in a closet because he’s chafed from too much sex, whichever) but I’m not and so this extreme surge in hormones has been interesting to say the least.

Gentlemen, I understand why you sometimes catcall now.

With this surge in hormones?  Oh yeah, I have the worst acne since that stint in 8th grade.  It’s horrifying to me.  I don’t know how to make it stop.  OR make them go away.  I just want to choke that lying bitch on that commercial who made me believe acne would last until I was in my late 20s and then it would be miraculously over.

The TV lies to you people, it lies.