Needing Somebody

Most of the time I can convince myself that I’m self sufficient.  And I am for the most part.  I manage to do a lot of things on my own.  I make a point of figuring things out and not stopping until I manage to get it done.

And then, occasionally, something crops up that I’m either unable to do or that is just so much work I find myself tearing up because I don’t have anyone to either take care of it for me or help me out with it.

Once I tear up, all the years of hurt come spilling forth and then I get angry with myself for needing someone.

For example:  The other day one of the springs on my garage door broke.  I couldn’t even lift the door to get my car out of the garage.  In defeat, I called my ex and asked him to come over and help me lift the door.  I cried the entire way to work.  I hated that I needed to call him.  I hated that I couldn’t do it on my own.  I hated that it made it obvious I wasn’t as self sufficient as I would like to believe.

But are any of us ever totally self sufficient?  And is it really so horrible to need help every once in a while?  The logical part of my brain tells me we all need someone every once in a while and that needing something is a normal thing.  The emotional side tells me that needing someone will just lead me to get hurt.

Sounds like a good therapy session is in order, eh?