Reality sinks in

You know how you have those moments of confidence which are strong enough to send you surging forward, determined to tackle any obstacle which threatens to hold you back?

And you know how, once that confidence fades, you’re suddenly stricken with insecurities about the path you’ve just set yourself upon?

I’m feeling that right now.  I spent spring break realizing that a job change likely means me moving.  A job change means I have to interview.  A job change means I have to fill out this ridiculously long online application which requires me to do background research on myself because I cannot remember the answer to some of these incredibly probing questions. (Seriously, am I running for president here?)  Quite frankly, all of it has left me feeling horribly insecure.  Am I really ready to move on?  Am I really ready to start making these finite decisions?

The answer is obviously yes, else I wouldn’t have started down this path.  It’s just hard.  (Ok, scary.  I’m scared.)

On the exercise front… April marks the annual exercise challenge at my chiropractor’s office.  I’m going to be trying to put in as much time as possible while not totally overdoing it.

I’m still doing relatively well on the exercise front.  I did take two days off this week but they were mainly weather related.  Other than that, I’ve even gone out and put in my run time with a headache. I’m still painfully slow with running.  It’s a combination of what my back can handle and what my fitness level can handle.

My C25K app I downloaded ages ago has updated to include a slightly modified version of the program with week 1 having 30 second, 45 second, and 60 second intervals instead of all 60 seconds.  I’ve been pushing myself with those over the past week and boy does it kick my butt!

Prior to doing the intervals, I was running a very slow (4.2 mph) half mile, walking 1/4 mile, and then running a likely even slower half mile.  I wasn’t capable of running (jogging?) a full mile but I felt confident I could get there.

Well, today I got there.  I’m slow, but I’ve always been slow.  My average pace was 4.8 mph and I”m ok with that for right now.  I felt ok afterward.  My back wasn’t completely gone and I was definitely winded, but I wasn’t dying.

All in all, I feel good about it.

With the increase in physical activity coming up in April, I’m not sure what sort of improvement I can expect in the next month, but I’m hoping I’ll be able to at least run 2 miles at this pace by the end of April.  I’m not trying to work miracles here, I’m just trying to rebuild.  You know?

I plan to throw in some cycling, some Curves time, a lot of walking, and of course the running and jogging this next month.  I really want to be a serious contender for a top contestant.  I want to be the top in my team and I’m determined to do it!

Spring Break! (at home, which isn’t as exciting)

The weather has been gorgeous around here.  The temperatures have most certainly been well above the norm for this time of year.  I’ve been trying to do my whole running thing after work in weather which is suddenly 80 degrees.  Sure, 80 is fine during the summer… but right now?  It’s a freaking humidity heat wave which makes me feel like a wet noodle and which turns my hair into the frizzy locks of medusa only my snakes don’t hiss.

Well, yeah, the weather has been gorgeous…right up until this week when I’m on spring break.  As I sit here right now my hands are freezing and the wind is blowing so strongly outside it keeps making my garage door make these horrifying noises where I’m nearly certain it’s going to buckle in the middle.  I’d open the garage door but then the horror which is the garage would likely wind up strewn about the neighborhood making me incredibly unpopular with the neighbors.  (I just turned up the heat as I cannot stand the 63 degree house anymore.  I’m so cold!)

So yeah, my life just got typical.  I’m not a big travel person.  Now, there are a variety of reasons for this but mostly I sort of glitch out over spending money on travel.  I grew up with little to no money and ever since I started working (in 8th grade) I’ve been a bit of a money hoarder.  I panic when my money reserves are touched.  So travel just isn’t something which is on my list of things I’m going to do without being coaxed.  So here I sit on spring break and that’s ok as I’ve the major task of applying to different schools.  You know, now that the actual application process is here, it’s incredibly frightening.  I just tried to file an online application which required so many nitpicky details about this, that and my grandmother’s molars that I literally cannot finish it until I send for a few things so I can reference them.  Really?  Do you really need to know these details?  I mean, is the only reason you’re not asking for the color of panties I’m wearing because it would be considered sexual harassment?

All I can say is:  Wow.

In other news, I’ve been doing really well on the exercise front.  I’ve taken up the mentality that I am starting new (which I basically am after over a year of failures, setbacks and disappointments after a car accident) and so I’m starting small and giving it my all.  I figure it’s better than starting big and finding a setback again, yes?  I’ve been logging my workouts on the MapMyRun app that a friend got me started on.  He currently is slacking off but it’s been very motivating for me to put my workouts up there for him to see and it’s given me a sense of accomplishment.   I’ve taken a screen shot of my last 8 workouts (no real detail there) for your viewing pleasure.  I had to eliminate my location from the entries.  I don’t want you people stalking me and stealing my shoes.  Anyway, I’ve been doing the C25K again on yet another phone app while also running this phone app and so most of those runs that you see actually involve a lot of walking and then some intervals…. so don’t wonder if I’m crawling on all fours and calling it running.  I am slow to begin with and when you throw walking in there… yeah, my times get really slow.

As you can see, I went for a 9.5 mile bike ride on Sunday.  My sister and I took it pretty easy as it was our first time out this year.  I had a great time, actually.  The day was beautiful and the weather was almost on the cool side.  I didn’t sweat much which is good as I held my phone in my bra.  (The last time I did that I did NOT have otterbox defender yet and I actually broke my phone by getting it all sweaty.  Try explaining THAT to Apple.  (Actually, I think they were confused as I did NOT explain it and I sent it in and they did not tell me it was water damage.  I’m thinking they were confused by the presence of salt seeing as there is a lack of ocean water in Illinois.)  After the ride, my sister and I went to one of my favorite breakfast places where I finally sampled the Red Velvet Pancakes.  I have acquired a bit of an obsession with red velvet and I really don’t know why.  I’ve begun craving it when, honestly, until about a year or so ago I didn’t even know it existed.  These pancakes?  They were so good.  I would have done the frosting differently, but the pancakes were divine.

And this brings me to my final topic.  As I was driving through town yesterday having just bought my resume paper for the random places which don’t take electronic submission (and really, do they HAVE to sell you 100 sheets of resume paper?  I mean, really?) and I spot something light in my hair as I’m glancing through the rear view mirror.  My first thought?  Why do I have such a blonde highlight already?  And I was about to brush it off at that when I realized it is only March and there is no WAY I have a blonde highlight.  So there I am at a stop light, scrutinizing my hair and trying to single out the ONE hair which had appeared blondish and I finally grab hold of it when the light turns green.  So I plucked it out and then gasped.  It.  Is.  Gray.

Now, I’m not really one to freak out about growing old.  It’s pretty much a non-issue with me the majority of the time…. but I have to tell you… seeing my first gray hair… really had an impact on me.  I was a bit speechless.  I had this sinking feeling in my chest like…. omgitsreallyhappening.  That feeling lasted all of 4 minutes and then I moved on with my day.  Even now looking at the photo, I just cannot get over how freaking gray that sucker is!  And you know, I’m left to wonder how many more there are.

To anyone else out there on spring break, I wish you safe travels and/or happy relaxation!