Hormones

Hormones.

They have this absolutely horrible effect on my body.  For example, when I take birth control… I wind up seriously depressed, sobbing in my shower while singing Tori Amos songs and then going straight to bed.  Or… I wind up transitioning from screaming at someone for absolutely nothing to crying because a commercial just came on TV and that dad really loves his son.

Yes.  I am potentially insane when I take birth control pills.

However, I also get mildly depressed during my period.  It starts out with me being… clingy.  I need more reassurance than normal.  I fish for praise.  I fish for compliments.  I become convinced people hate me when I don’t get both of those things.  Sometimes I cry if I don’t get enough text messages from a certain someone.

But the period thing goes away and with it so do my blues.  Currently I carry a prescription of xanax I can take if things get to be a bit much for me during that time.

Why is any of this relevant to my current life?  Well.  I tried emergency contraception.  For a day or so after it I felt clingy.  No big deal.  And then… instead of ovulating… I had a period… which is a normal side effect.

What isn’t normal?  Oh… the fact that my eyes kept crying for a good 24 hours.  Literally constantly watering and never more than 2 seconds from an actual sob, I cried for about 24 hours straight.  I convinced myself that no one loves me.  No one really cares about me.  I stayed in bed for almost 48 hours.  And no… I did not shower or change clothes or even my panties.

Sexy, I know.

What is absolutely frightening to me, now that I’m nearly back to normal, is how I KNOW on some level that it is just the hormones messing with me…. and yet I absolutely cannot “snap out of it.”  It’s the absolute worst for the girl who logics away most of her negative emotions.  (Not that I don’t acknowledge them, I just prefer to realize that most of the people in my life do NOT set out to upset me and thus I shouldn’t feel personally slightest when they don’t do what I expected/wanted/needed.)

So, needless to say, I had a rough weekend.  It’s nice to be out of bed…. kinda.  I mean.. I have showered but I haven’t exactly put on a new outfit yet today.

Maybe I should go shower….

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