I haven’t been the best fitness oriented person on the planet since my car accident. I mean, prior to the accident I was like… I don’t know, ready to run a half marathon and ready to climb tall mountains and ready to do all the things I was always too fat and out of shape to do before.
Mind you, I wasn’t skinny. And mind you, I wasn’t trying to lose weight anymore as a lot of people tell you that’s really hard to do when you’re running longer distances and, quite frankly, running made me super hungry and I was having a joyous time eating anything I wanted and not gaining any weight.
Ok, the whole “I used to be a size 22 and now I”m a 14” thing probably played into my attitude. It’s easy to feel like a million bucks when you’re in a 14 and you’ve lost 55 lbs and you feel like you have control over your body for the first time in your life.
So anyway, I likely wasn’t in the best mindset for maintaining a loss when the accident happened. I also don’t think I could have ever anticipated how long my recovery would take seeing as how nothing was broken or bloodied (aside from a broken tooth) – three cheers for hyper-mobile joints that never want to recover! (Please note the sarcasm.)
I realized I was in a bit of trouble last summer, which was 7 months after the accident and during which I exercised very little. It was so easy to fall back into my old, lazy habits and just not do anything. I did get up off my butt a few days/week and attempt to run but the failure of being able to do what I used to do – or even a fraction of it – just discouraged me. And then the school year hit and I stopped exercising for the most part.
And for all of that, I’m up 8 lbs since the accident. I don’t think that’s the worst thing in the world. I’m feeling mildly accomplished that I didn’t gain like 15 or 20 lbs back. I could have. What that tells me is that I really have changed SOME of my habits. But you know, the longer I went without exercise… the worse I started eating. It’s a slippery slope.
So, first thing? I got back into exercise.
It hasn’t been easy. My back still isn’t where it used to be – and even back then it wasn’t tip top. A busy week can see me not exercise at all. A bad week with my back can also see me not exercise at all. Like last week? I went on two walks one day – a 3 mile walk and then a 2 mile walk later in the day. Nothing I didn’t do all at once in April… and yet… by the end of the two miles, my hip joints were wasted. I could barely walk the next day. Exercise? Yeah right, not without a chiropractic adjustment… which costs $20 every time I go… and yeah, that adds up because I go once a week regularly (loose joints, remember?) and spending $40 in one week just seems madness.
I also can’t go crazy. I can’t set a distance goal for my running/jogging. I can’t do high impact exercise all the time. And so I find myself doing a lot of walking. It feels like a failure, walking. I have to remind myself it’s not a failure. This is what I can do without over taxing my body. This is better than nothing at all. And it’s true. However, compared with the crazy goals I was setting for myself before… this exercise for the sake of exercise feels a bit empty… and so I am currently trying to remember that exercise can just be taking joy in movement – and that’s ok.
And June 7, I hit a milestone.
See that? I hit 100 miles.
I started using that app sometime in March. I don’t always run, there are two bike rides in there and an awful lot more walking than running…. but I hit 100 miles. I also know I didn’t really exercise for about 3 weeks of that time. So I’m feeling pretty good about the 100 miles. It’s also given me the ability to make a new goal – a distance goal. I just have no idea what sort of goal to set…. but at least I’ve got an idea of a type of goal I can set without meaning I’m going to injure myself trying to get there. A distance goal I can do. A distance goal doesn’t mean I have to run 3 miles, it doesn’t mean I have to run at a certain pace. I don’t even have to run. I just have to put in the distance.
If you haven’t checked out the mapmyrun app, it’s pretty nice. It’s easy to use, pretty user friendly – I’ve never had to look up directions for anything, and it even connected pretty easily with my heart rate monitor once I got the thingy to plug into my phone. I was worried as the thingy (yes, it’s the official name now) wasn’t made by mapmyrun, and my heart rate strap is from my old garmin… but the thing worked!
So yeah, I’m feeling ok with my exercise level. I’m doing the best I can. I’m trying to make every session about fitness and movement and not about what I think I should be doing. I’m not being so hard on myself, and I’m not feeling discouraged. This is improvement.