Enabler Part 2

So yeah, mom told me she had given her 30 day notice (and quite honestly, it takes 3 months to evict someone so I have no idea why she did that) and I just couldn’t handle it.  I’ve so many other things going on in my life right now that I just couldn’t handle the emotional overload.

So I called one of my sisters.

After a lot of talking, she called my mom and had a stern talk with her.  And that’s a hard thing to do.  This sister never talks to anyone on the phone and so when she called, my mom’s voice lit up and she could tell mom was so happy to hear from her.  And then my sister gave her the lecture.  It’s not as though this lecture is anything new.  My sister told my mother she should move in with my oldest sister because both of them could use the financial help.

And you know, my mom has lived with my oldest sister before so it seemed like a decent idea…. until I found out my oldest sister planned to charge her 300 in rent and my mom wouldn’t even have her own bedroom.  Mind you, my sister pays 500 in rent and so I just couldn’t fathom why my mom should have to pay 300 when she isn’t even going to have her own bedroom.

So my other sister and I started talking again… and in the end… she offered to let mom come live with her.  I can’t take my mom in because I don’t know where I’m going to be in six months.  Living at my sister’s would be a good situation for my mom.  Her quality of life would improve and there would be lots to do in the town… which is incredibly unlike what she’s used to at the moment.

There were a few sticking points to this plan:  For starters, my mom is a big one for agreeing with you to your face but then doing what she wants to do anyway and my mom was pretty set on getting her own place.  And then there’s my mom’s dog… a 16 year old Siberian Husky who is arthritic and probably should have been put down a long time ago… but you know, that costs money too.  Of course, there is also the absolute horror of WHERE my mom was looking to rent (my home town, from some unsuspecting person who would wind up with their place ruined because that’s how my mom is).

It took a lot of phone calls.

I felt like a negotiator.

I worked so hard at selling my mom on living with my sister that I nearly wanted to move in with my sister myself.

In the end, mom has agreed.  We move her on Memorial Day.  She’s leaving most of her things behind as they’re ruined and smelly and fully of Siberian Husky hair (have you ever seen the shedding those things do?).  She’s mentioned she wants to clean a bit before we arrive to help her move.  Apparently the dog has just been going to the bathroom in the apartment.  I can’t even imagine what the vet who comes to put the dog down is going to think.  I can’t even imagine what *I* am going to think.  Mom hasn’t let anyone enter the apartment in over a year.  It has to be worse than I could even imagine.

And braving that place, picking things up, and loading them into the truck is how I’m going to spend my Memorial Day.

On the bright side:  Mom will have a better quality of life.  My sister will see to it that mom signs up for assistance and programs she qualifies for.  She will ensure mom takes her meds and has money for her meds.  Maybe my mom can even save up some money for some dentures.  It all seems pretty nice and tidy from this vantage point, but I’m pretty certain moving day will be emotional for me.  It’s tough to see the way my mom lives.  It’s tough not to blame myself for letting it happen.  It’s tough to know what to do – what the right course of action is.  And memorial day is always tough anyway because it reminds me of my grandparents.

Emotion:  The number one cause of over-eating in my household.

And I think that’s how I’m going to leave this story for now.  I should have written it all out the first time because I’m just not in the same frame of mind as I was the other day.  No doubt I’ll write and let you know how Memorial Day goes.

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